13 × 18 in.
Watercolor and acrylic on paper
2023
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. . . . .
Goodbye Ritual
I feel like I’m losing a part of myself
This little gemstone I always needed
A precious piece kept hidden from which I could draw power
To smile or laugh
To get through the day
To delve into imagination so deep you’d think I was special—
I could solve or do anything.
I’m beginning to wonder if that stone is hurting me
If it demands to be too polished, too shiny
Too rare a piece
Always clasped so tightly my fingers shake.
Healing is ugly.
I’m a goddam mess
And everything hurts
And all I want is sleep.
But in a way, this is me.
It’s more honest, more vulnerable to the elements.
You could crush me in your hand if you wanted
I’d mash like flower petals, crumpling and creased.
But now I have seasons and growth
I can bend in the wind
I can touch you delicately, warmly.
I have needs—food and water and dirt.
I require care.
And I will die too,
rot into the ground and there will be nothing to show.
No shiny heirloom to be passed down
To generations I did not bare.
Just another flower in a field
Soft and moving in this dance
Beautifully open